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All Her Bright Times

Peihang Benoit Solo Exhibition

她山|黃沛涵個展

撰文 Text / 賴駿杰 Jay Chun-Chieh LAI

有時候,我們必須透過想念,才能真正開始理解一個人。
Sometimes we could only fully understand a person, when we miss him/her.

我們總是在回望過去時,才意識到⾃⼰成長的經驗,與「國/家」或「⽗權」等意識形態始終脫離不了關係。那些所謂「不想長⼤」⽽延伸出的對於⽗權之抵抗,也隨著歲⽉移轉⽽銘刻在⽣命經驗之中,這也是藝術家⿈沛涵⼀路⾛來的創作核⼼:從過去明顯帶有女性主義⾊彩的「⾁身童話」系列、到後來關注歐陸移民/難民與國家政策的系列畫作等,皆是此脈絡下的思想成果。⽽此次展出的新作,則是透過「(救國團)青年活動」連結了母親的成長歷程,在「她山」的兩相對照下,有些風景彷彿似曾相識,歷歷在⽬於藝術家對於⾃我的理解與記憶。陽光、明亮且風光明媚的山林景⾊,對於未來充滿憧憬的「青年」,漫步在過去由黨國所設定的教化場景,挑戰的是「需要被征服的山岳」︔征服它才是有為青年。⽽美好家庭,更要親近⾃然以培育身⼼健康的下⼀代。⾃然與風景,成為某種國家教化所必須的⼈格設定場景,⽽如今,它透過家庭相本被流傳下來,展⽰的是青春有為的「國家青年」。

When looking back to the past, we realize that our experience of growing up is always inseparable from ideologies such as “nation/family” or patriarchy”. The resistance to patriarchy that extends from the so-called “always to be a child” is also engraved in life as the years pass. This is also the centre of the artist Peihang Benoit’s serial works: from the Fleshy Fairytale series with obviously feminism, to the later series of paintings focusing on the issues of European immigrants/refugees and their governmental policies (Wonderland series), which are all the results in this thinking context. The new works exhibited this time connect her mother’s youth times through the “(China Youth Corps) Youth Activities”. By the comparative clue hidden within the title “All Her Bright Times (her mountains 她 ⼭ )“, some landscapes seem to be Déjà vu, which can be vividly found in the artist’s self-understanding and the memories. The “young men” who are longing for the future, wandering through the enlightenment scene set by the party-state system in the past, challenge the “mountain that needs to be conquered” guised as bright, sunny and beautiful scenery; who can conquers it is the promised. Besides, a good family needs to have their children immersed in the nurture, for the sake of physically and mentally health. Nature and landscape have become a set for fostering the personality corresponding to a certain civilization by the State. Today, it has been passed down through family albums, showing the promised “national youth.”

串起藝術家與其母親的照⽚,嚴格說來並不是家庭相簿,⿈沛涵⾃然也未出現在母親的青年時光。即便如此,⿈沛涵在歐洲⽣活的新山岳經驗,也讓她⾛回母親的「時間」︔在⼀種對於未來的時間前⾏/潛⾏中,相互重疊。關於山岳的想像,當然反映了各種不同的⽂化與意識形態,但除了⼀般所以為的更為「堅實、陽剛的」印象,本展更著眼於其「山象」的詭譎多變,以及所謂山林之間的「神秘」(可能同時也伴隨著魅影傳說),偏向更為靈動、陰柔的理解。實際上,正⾯積極的陽性的山岳想像,與陰柔多變的山林印象,也確實揉雜⽽成為藝術家母親在家中的角⾊定位。⽽透過「國家青年」所驅動的時間軸線(僅僅朝向未來、沒有過去的),⼀⾯勾勒山脊稜線,⼀⾯也皴擦出隱伏在現在的過往篇章。對於母親的認識是有限的︔我們對母親在尚未成為母親前或許⼀無所知,那些青春故事可能透過家庭⽂件與⼜述等⽅式被留下來,在某種時刻成為想念的媒介,同時是對母親的懷舊,也是對⾃身的重新認識。就此⽽⾔,⿈沛涵的創作或許更像某種儀式,回應著山岳所瀰發的神秘邀請,⽤畫筆撥弄出消失已久的林間古道,藉以穿越至另⼀段時間、另⼀個世界。「她山」,因此指向的是遠⽅,對藝術家來說既是熟悉的妳,也是陌⽣的她︔⽽我山與她山僅能相遙映,藝術家⼼所尋覓的或許僅是在那層層疊合中所逸出的「留⽩」。

The photos exhibited, comprise that of the artist’s and her mother’s when she was young, could hardly be regarded as belong to a family album, for it is impossible for Peihang to be in her mother’s photos. However, Peihang’s new experience of hiking in Europe allows her to take the same route in ‘time’ her mother once took. In this sense, the two of them overlapped in time, prowling around the future. The imagination of mountains certainly reflects a variety of different cultures and ideologies, but in addition to the generally more ‘solid and masculine’ impression, this exhibition focuses on the changefulness of the ‘mountain outlooks’ and the “mysteries” of the forests that are perhaps accompanied with ghost stories, leading to an interpretation that tends to be more agile and feminine. In fact, the positive and masculine imagery of the mountains and the feminine and variable impression of the mountains combined to form and consolidate the role of the artist’s mother in the family. And through the timeline driven by “National Youth”, one that only envisions the future but eliminates the past, it wipes out the past chapters hidden in the present while sketching the shapes of the mountain ridges. Our knowledge of our mothers are usually limited, especially that before she becomes a mother. The stories of their youth might be passed on through family documents and narratives, and at some point they become a medium for remembrance, for nostalgia for our mothers, and for a new understanding of ourselves. In this regard, Peihang’s works resemble a ritual or a response to the mysterious invitation of the mountains. Her brushstrokes unveil the long-lost ancient paths in the forest, enabling a travel to another time and another space. All Her Bright Times therefore points to a distant place. The place, for the artist, is at the same time the ‘you’ who are familiar, and the ‘her’ who is not. ‘My Mountain’ could only reflect ‘Her Mountain’ from a far distance. But perhaps what the artist is looking for, is the ‘empty space’ emerges from all the layers of overlapping.

⿈沛涵的創作本就有著細膩且多層次的情感,⽽在離開臺灣⼀段時間後,歐洲的⽣活歷練與重要⽣命轉折都在各種意義上豐富了她的表現⼿法。「她山」將展出其更臻至成熟且全新⾯向的作品,揭露⿈沛涵與其母親之間的各種羈絆:如何影響她對於女性與專業⼯作者在家庭與社會上的角⾊認知,特別是在經歷了喪母之慟與初為⼈母的喜悅之後,如何能剝除附加在身上的假⾯「⾁身」。削⾁,除了回應藝術家過去的⾁身童話系列脈絡外,在此也指涉同時帶有喜悅與極度苦痛之「新⽣」所卸下的⼼頭之⾁︔斥出母親在⾃身沉宕已久的欲望之不可得(某種缺陷),也弔詭地,藉由「成為母親」來填補身上可能有的孔洞。以時間的堆疊與破碎為⽅法,再次回頭、由外⽽內地審視⾃身,想望與紀念其母親。我們將訝異地發現,時間絕不是單純地前⾏,⽽是在無數的重複與相互掩映下, 揉雜⽽出總是相似的⾯貌。正如同其畫作所運⽤的⽅法,場景被重組,⽽現在潛⾏於未來。女孩/ 女兒如何理解母親的時代與記憶,以及⿈沛涵對於過去的想像與未來憧憬,皆被潛在地編織、交纏在此系列畫作裡。

Peihang’s creations contain delicate and multi-layered emotions. After leaving Taiwan for a long time, the life in Europe and some significant life transitions have enriched her expressive methods in various senses. “All her bright times” will exhibit her well-considerate and brand-new easel paintings as well as a few ceramic installations, exposing the various inter-related ties between Peihang and her mother: how to influence her perception of the role of women and, at the same time, professional artist in the family and society, especially after the mourning of losing a mother and the joy of being a mother, how can she remove the “physical body” attached to the flesh. In addition to responding to the artist’s past series of Fleshy Fairytale, to detach, or which can be said the “slicing flesh” also refers to the dearest heart unloaded by the “rebirth” with joy and extreme pain at the same time; it repels the artist’s long-suffering desires (unavailable, or a kind of defect) for mother dwelled in her own body. Paradoxically, by “becoming a mother”, Peihang is able to fulfill the holes (hollowed out) in her body. Using the stacking and shattering of time as a method, she looks back again and examine herself from the outside to the inside, looking forward to and remembering her mother. We will be surprised to find that time does not simply move forward, but under countless repetitions and mutual concealment, it is always a similar face. Just like the method used in his paintings, the scene is reorganized, and now sneaks into the future. How the girl/ daughter understands her mother’s time and memory, and additionally Peihang’s vision of the past and vision for the future are potentially woven and entangled in this series of paintings.

濃郁、不透徹且帶有⾼度⽩粉顏料的⾊彩,恰與那清晰、彷彿歷歷在⽬的「相簿」成顯著對比︔明亮的⼾外場景被抑鬱的天空所取代,⽽澄澈溪流也成為靜默的⼀⽚藍⾊。
不可能⾛過第⼆次的藍⾊河流,或許,才是⼈⽣與記憶真正的顏⾊。

The rich, impenetrable, and highly chalky colors are in sharp contrast with the clear, as if vividly- used “photo album”; the bright outdoor scene is replaced by the depressive sky, and the clear stream has become a silent blue color.
It is impossible to walk through the blue river for the second time. Perhaps it is the true color of life and memory.


她山 All Her Bright Times| 黃沛涵個展 Peihang Benoit Solo Exhibition

策展人 Curator |賴駿杰 Jay Chun Cheih Lai
展期|2021.04.29–05.22
地點|伊日藝術計劃 1F
地址|台北市內湖區新明路86巷1號
時間|Tue. – Sat. 13:00 – 19:00 週日、一休館
贊助單位|台北市文化局


青年活動 4 Youth Activities 4
160×120 cm|2019|油彩、畫布 Oil on Canvas
青年活動 1 Youth Activities 1
115×180 cm|2019|油彩、畫布 Oil on Canvas
青年活動 5 Youth Activities 5
120×160 cm|2019|油彩、畫布 Oil on Canvas